Your life may not depend on a specific negotiation, but you can learn a lot from someone like Chris Voss, who honed his skills when lives were on the line. He was on the NYC Joint Terrorist Task Force for 14 years and the lead negotiator for the NYC division of the FBI before going on to become the FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator. He is the founder and CEO of the Black Swan Group and the author of Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended on it.
When starting a negotiation Chris wants to hear where the other side is coming from right out of the gate. Everyone shows up having rehearsed their argument, or talking points, and until they get that out of their head, they won’t be able to listen to anything you have to say. Second, he says there’s probably going to be some really important information revealed in those first 10 to 15 minutes which might have taken weeks to acquire otherwise. In referencing Jim Camps work from Start With No, Chris says you also need to make the other side feel free they can say no at anytime. This respects their autonomy. They’ll relax a little more and be more willing to work with you just knowing it’s OK to say no.
According to Chris, you should view your counterpart as your partner. You’re not necessarily going head to head. You’re trying to work towards a mutually beneficial conclusion. But, he says, compromise is a dirty word in negotiations. There’s a difference between a high-value trade and compromise. Compromise, or splitting the difference and meeting half way, is what he calls the lazy approach. In business, you leave money on the table. There could have been a better outcome if you hadn’t met in the middle. You should never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn’t take something better.
Data shows there’s an emotional component to every decision we make. Chris says to start with the idea we’re all emotional to begin with. Try to discover why the other side wants what they want. This may prove harder than it sounds. The other side may feel they’ve just revealed all their weaknesses and vulnerabilities; that they’ve given you leverage. Getting to what the other side really wants requires a methodical, pragmatic, and rational approach. Chris recommends asking open-ended questions, noting there’s a tension between empathy and assertiveness. You need to get to the point where the other side is comfortable sharing information. In a negotiation, there will always be information you don’t have and that the other side doesn’t know is important. The stuff coming out as the conversation unfolds could make all the difference in the world.
When it comes to what not to do, Chris says never lie. Lying in a negotiation is a really bad idea. You can be sure at some point the other side will find out. He also doesn’t believe in being the attacking, tough, pound-the-table type of negotiator. It’s bad for business long term, and people won’t want to make deals with you anymore. Remember, if someone is talking to you, you’ve got something they want.
